New Year Trend: Taboo busting

Hi Friend,

Sarah here.

First and foremost, I hope you will all help me celebrate Ricky today, as today is his actual birthday! While I could spend this entire newsletter talking about how grateful I am that we are friends, I won’t - because who needs to start the new year of all cheesy?

We sure don’t! Pen Pals Newsletter is coming to you with a hot take: are the holidays all that great? I know a lot of people absolutely love the holidays, and that love and hype is everywhere. Starting already in November, we are basically force fed Christmas in any public space like we’re foie gras geese. While it can be lovely, cozy and joyous, it can also be really difficult, hard, and lonely. So instead of focusing only on the glory of the holidays, I’d like to also hold space for those of who have mixed or even negative feelings about them.

I want to create and hold this space, not because I do not enjoy the holidays, but because they are a bag of mixed feelings for me, and I find that it can be hard to talk about. Especially if you are in the company of people who just absolutely love them. I talked to my therapist about this, and he mentioned that many people actually struggle during the holiday season, but find it taboo to talk about in a social context. And dear reader, you know me - if there’s a taboo affecting my friends, I am going to tackle it (evidently).

Whoa, that was a heavy start to this newsletter. Let’s move on to a brighter and more cheerful topic: next week’s episode!

One of my coworkers and friends, Monica, joins the show to talk about her long standing friendships. She’s got a group of friends that have been friends for almost 50 years! I feel like that deserves a spot in Guinness World Records.

Monica shares about nurturing long term and long distance friendships, as well as making new friends in new places as a grown up, and many other things.

As I am pondering the concept of showing up and just being there for a friend, without necessarily offering my opinion or advice, I realize that this is truly something I need to practice. But I know myself, and if I set it as a goal for all of 2024, I will put in a lot of effort now, and then loose focus in a month or two (very similar to my fitness routine). So what I will do instead is break it down, meaning that I - for the next three months - will actively practice showing up silently.

I realize this sounds an awful lot like a new year’s resolution, and that I just told you a couple of weeks ago that I don’t dabble in those. The truth is that I am real-time-realizing that this is something I want to focus and work on. It is pure coincidence that this realization coincides with a new year.

Taking you Behind-The-Scenes, I started seriously thinking about this because I experienced how powerful it can be when a close friend just holds your hand. A few days ago, I was walking with a friend and beginning to open up about something that is hard for me to talk about. Seemingly without much forethought, she just grabbed my hand and held it while I talked. That subtle, kind gesture was really impactful and powerful. In that moment, I felt like she was hugging my soul, and I felt safe. It was everything, and that’s something I would really like to be able to do for my friends too.

In closing, I hope 2024 can be a year of honesty and holding space for each other, also for those conversations where we do not understand each other, or where we do not need to speak, just be there, hold a hand or lend an ear.