Are friendship traditions the trick for long distance friendships?

Hi Friend,

Sarah here.

Is it just me, or is the conversation around an ongoing friendship recession also flooding your newsfeeds? I am seeing posts about this from various news outlets, songs and stand-up bits popping up about making new friends or missing having (more) friends on social media. Perhaps it is just my silo, but I really think that we have hit something here. And the focus is making me extra appreciative of the friendships I do have.

For this reason, the past few weeks have been about honoring some of my most treasured friendships. Friendships that all happen to be span continents. Friendships that continue to grow and flourish even though we do not see each other regularly - often it will be years in between physically meeting up.

We are bringing back the advice corner, and I am so excited for it! One of you, dear listeners, reached out to us with a real dilemma. Maria and her husband often host dinner parties or playdates for the friends and their kids, but the invites are not really returned. How do you approach this conversation, what’s the underlying cause?

Ricky and I dive into the dilemma, try to understand the situation and give our best pieces of advice - hopefully they’re useful to Maria and you all.

We absolutely love it when you write and ask for our advice, it’s an oddly humbling and thrilling experience all at once. So if you are pondering a friendship dilemma, please get in touch. You can reach us on instagram @friendtimate.pod or e-mail: [email protected] .

Back to me focusing on a couple of my long distance friendships over the last few weeks. As you know, all friendships are different. Naturally, the way I nourish my long-distance friendships are therefore different. They are, if you will, bespoke solutions tailored to each of the friendships (that’s maybe the most hipster sentence I have ever written.. Anyways!).

One of the ways I stay close with two of my long-distance friends is through frequent video calls and an active group chat (we’re a trio). Another is through audio message with a “stand alone” friend in North America. When I say audio messages, I don’t mean a quick little voice note here and there to comment on something quickly. Haha, no - this Winnie and I send 10-15 minute audio messages back and forth. I think it’s been like.. 3-5 years since we spoke on the phone? The last time I saw this Winnie in person was in 2020, pre-pandemic. To some that may mean the end of a friendship, but for us it’s really just brought us closer, and a few weeks ago, I was able to join her via zoom as she and her now-husband eloped and got married, sharing in one of the happiest moments of her life.

As for the video-call-group, the three of us live on three different continents, so finding the time to have video calls isn’t super easy. We are lucky to have relatively flexible schedules allowing us to have calls inside regular business hours. We are also committed to meeting physically once every year or two. Last time was for a wedding, and then this time they came to visit me. Meeting up across continents requires a bit of planning, and money. I know this is not a solution for everyone, but this November we were able to spend a week together with no work distractions and just be present.

For those of you that do not know what Denmark is like in November, it’s cold, dark and often windy and rainy. That week was all of the above, but it still was one of the best weeks in recent memory because we were together. Whether we’re out exploring new hiking trails, skiing, eating or hanging out at home, drinking tea and chatting, it’s really just being together that matters.

Through my long distance friendships, it has become clear to me that friendship traditions can help maintain or grow friendships. Are there some traditions that you can build with your long distance friends to nurture your friendships?